South Park: ‘Very Desperate and Very Dangerous’ President ‘Scaring’ Children

Things have been getting difficult in the town of South Park, Colorado, and they come to a head in the December 6 season finale, “Splatty Tomato.” With the recent nuclear attack President Garrison (a thinly veiled parody of President Trump) launched against Canada, the world is on the brink of disaster and the kids of the town claim to see the president lurking around at night. The only people in the town who still trust him seem to be Bob White and his family: “The Whites still support the president,” they say, but “no one cares about the Whites” anymore. (I see what you did there, South Park!)

In the opening scene, little Crystal White is frightened and calls for her parents. 

Crystal: Mommy! Mommy! He’s gonna get me! 
Mr. White: Honey, honey, who’s gonna get you? 
Crystal: The president! I saw him! He’s gonna get me! 
Mr. White: Crystal, the president isn’t going to get you. 
Crystal: But I saw him! 
Mr. White: See what I told you? It’s that liberal school she’s going to, filling her head with all kinds of garbage. Sweetie, the president is doing the best job he can. Your liberal school is just trying to convince you he’s dangerous. 
Crystal: But — But, Daddy, he’s gonna — 
Mr. White: Unh-unh. No “Buts.” The president is in the White House, not here trying to get you, okay? 
Crystal: Okaaay?
Mr. White: All right. We’re having a talk with that school in the morning. Goodnight, honey. 
President Garrison: Hey! How are my approval ratings?

When the town realizes that President Garrison really is skulking around in the woods (but White’s assumption makes sense, considering how often schools do bash Trump or reject support of him), they want him gone. When the mayor tells one person to stay calm, he replies, “How can we stay calm when the president’s out there scaring our children?!”

There’s one family that doesn’t want the president to leave, though. The Whites – but “nobody asked the Whites how they felt! Nobody cares what the Whites have to say!” Even though he’s constantly berated by neighbors telling him things about the president like, “He’s running around eating our pets and terrorizing our kids,” Mr. White just keeps on replying that Hillary would have been just as bad, if not worse. 

President Garrison is in such a delicate mental state because, after bombing Canada, his approval ratings plummeted. He actually got a “Splatty Tomato,” (think Rotten Tomatoes) rating of 3 percent. The president lives for good publicity and adoration, so a low approval rating really hit him hard, as Officer Bright explains to the town.

Officer Bright: Since the president was given a splatty tomato, he’s become very desperate and very dangerous. If you see the president, do not approach him. Do not try to reason with him. Most importantly, remember that this is the president, so you cannot shoot him. All right? You can’t even talk about shooting him. Don’t even do any coy satirical takes on shooting him. Okay, good. What we’re trying to do here is just get the president to go away. We’re gonna be handing out padlocks like this one so everyone can lock up their garbage. If we don’t feed the president, hopefully he’ll just move on. Are there any questions?

Man: Can we talk about a friend shooting him if it’s in a sort of a sarcastic way?

Officer Bright: No, no, no. Now, it’s – it’s just best to avoid that kind of talk altogether. Remember, they can do to you what they did to Kathy Griffin.

Randy: Made her not funny for 30 years?

Officer Bright: That’s right. So best thing is just lock up your garbage and see if we can get the president to go away.

In the aftermath of his Splatty Tomato, Garrison is essentially hiding in the woods living like a wild animal, and how do you catch a wild animal? With a fox trap. South Park got in a shot at journalistic integrity by having the town set up a “Fox Trap,” a fabricated Fox News set in the woods, to lure President Garrison out of hiding so they can get rid of him. He sees it and says to himself, “Oh, Fox News…They’ll listen to me. They’ll get my side of the story right!” Fortunately for him, the Whites warn him it’s a trap. “Oh, thank God for the Whites,” he exclaims.

Meanwhile, PC Principal and Vice Principal Strong Woman seem to have feelings for each other but are increasingly confused by this because it’s not politically correct to have feelings for a coworker. 

While the kids have all decided to go off into the woods to take on Mr. Garrison, the parents have taken off in search of the kids, but instead, they find PC Principal and Vice Principal Strong Woman in a compromising position. As the news about the two of them spreads, everyone starts to vomit, because it is so impossible and wrong for anyone to believe that coworkers could have feelings for one another in this politically correct day and age. HA!

With all of this going on in the season finale, Mr. White declares that there is only one solution to getting everything back on track. “It’s up to the Whites.” Is that a hint about a plot line for season 22?  

This post originally appeared on NewsBusters

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